Words instruct mind how to show you reality! Hostility or fear in any form lies and move from corrupt data!
Who's in there with you?
1. Commitment - I commit to communicating with you about this situation (rather than winning, overpowering or abusing you). Invitation - I have an issue I would like your help in processing.
TIP: If feeling disconnected, afraid, sad, etc. acknowledge that feeling and reconnect.
2. Objective Observations - Identify the event - not your perception of it. Make it a "we" event, include yourself in the description of what happened. Describe mechanical facts only - take responsibility to make sure you are both speaking of the same event! Describe only what a camera could take a picture of, and
/or what a tape recorder could record.
TIP: If your partner becomes defensive you probably have not remained objective but have described your reality in a way that attempts to make them responsible for it.
3. Subjective Observation - Identify your thoughts and feelings - your issue. Remember that you are speaking of the output of your mind. Language in a way that reflects your awareness that you are describing your reality and that you are willing to be 100% responsible for that reality. (YOUR ISSUE=YOUR OFFSPRING)
TIP: The goal is to own your reality, not to prove your reality is true about them!!
4. What I want - Your request always relates to receiving support in HEALING your issue in #3 - let go of problem solving and trying to get them to change (BY SHBAGING GOAL)! If this tool is used to manipulate them to change it will backfire. The more specific you are in identifying your painful reality the more powerful this step will be for you.
TIP: Remember to be responsible for what surfaces if you don't get the support you want, it will give you another opportunity to deal with your issues.
5. Do you have any ideas? Actually listen to them as if they were intelligent and let go of the answers you think are correct. If you are in Pain, you are in Blockage of Truth and need feedback! If you ask looking for their answer to match the solution you have, you may be disappointed. ASK THIS QUESTION WITH AN OPEN MIND AND LISTEN - rather than being busy in your head - actually listen to their feedback - they probably have information you need! Listening also helps dissipate the energy of upset.
TIP: The goal of this step is to give yourself the space to at least temporarily think and act AS IF what is being communicated is totally true and will work!!
6. What I can see that would help is _________________________. After receiving their ideas offer any other thoughts on how you feel you might be supported in healing your issue.
7. Use problem solving to handle the effect aspects of situations. If necessary, now that healing is underway or complete, use problem solving to handle the effect aspects of situations. Make sure to continue your healing work if you do this step.
TIP: If you truly choose to heal your life - heal first - problem solve last!
Translation (pdf) - Do you ever find yourself at odds with someone over the meaning of something they have said or done? Read this, it is a perfect example of how the mind can make up something that is not there. Amazing!
Translation Obliteration (pdf) - Lost in Translation - "Did You Hear What I Think I Said?" translated from English to another language, then returned to English, then to another language, back to English, etc. What did you say?